Executives and senior professionals often feel more comfortable using English in structured meetings than they do in informal conversation, which may seem surprising when meetings can involve complex subjects, technical vocabulary, disagreement, negotiation and decision-making.
Yet, over the years, I have noticed this repeatedly among senior professionals and leadership teams: although they may handle demanding professional discussions in English quite effectively, they can become considerably less comfortable as soon as the formal structure of the meeting disappears.
A meeting provides a framework within which communication takes place. There is usually an agenda, a defined topic, professional vocabulary, clear roles and, to some extent, a predictable direction, so you generally know why you are there and what you are expected to contribute.
Then the meeting ends, someone suggests having a coffee, and the rules suddenly change.
What should I talk about? How do I sound natural? Should I ask a question? What if there is an awkward silence? How do I appear relaxed when I don’t actually feel relaxed?
The language may be simpler, but the communication is not necessarily easier.
When the structure disappears
Meetings give us something that informal interaction does not: structure. During a meeting, attention is directed primarily towards the subject being discussed, whereas during a coffee break, attention can feel as though it has shifted towards you as a person.
You may suddenly become more conscious of how you are coming across, whether you are speaking too much or too little, whether you sound interesting, and what you should say next.
For a senior professional who is accustomed to being competent and in control, this uncertainty can be particularly uncomfortable, especially when the interaction is taking place in a language that is not their first.
This helps explain why someone can be highly competent professionally in English and still avoid informal interaction whenever possible. The issue is not necessarily their English level; rather, they are operating in a communication environment in which much less is predetermined.
And this matters professionally
Informal conversations may appear peripheral to business, but they are often an important part of how professional relationships develop. Relationships are built in the moments between meetings or over a few minutes of coffee, and they can develop through a conversation while waiting for the next session, a comment about the journey, or a question about someone’s weekend.
These interactions may seem insignificant when compared with the formal business discussion, yet they can influence whether people feel comfortable with each other, whether trust develops, and whether a relationship continues beyond the meeting itself.
I have seen leadership teams become comfortable handling meetings in English relatively quickly, while informal interaction remained difficult for considerably longer. This is not particularly surprising when we recognise that small talk is not simply a less serious version of a meeting; it is a different type of communication, one in which the structure provided by the formal setting is largely absent.
What actually helps?
The people who handle informal interaction well are not necessarily those who speak the most or who have the most sophisticated English. They tend to be people who react naturally to what is being said, show genuine interest, listen actively, pick up on what the other person contributes, and make it easier for the other person to continue the interaction.
This changes the objective considerably, because you do not need to become the most entertaining person at the coffee table; you need to be able to participate, respond, show interest and keep the interaction moving without constantly monitoring your own performance.
And this is where the nature of the challenge changes.
At some point, “good English” is no longer enough, because the difficulty is no longer primarily linguistic. The challenge becomes communication itself, carried out through a language that is not your first.
For some senior professionals, that is precisely why the coffee break can feel more demanding than the meeting.
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I help senior professionals who want to communicate with greater clarity and confidence in English.